Yoga and Yoda

I just got finished with my yoga class. It is a very interesting class. The teacher is bizarre. She talks of shakras and ujara breath and sacrums and mother energy. She likes crazy chanting music, but one guy in our class apparently can't stand doing yoga to music. It makes it interesting.

I'm headed out to go see Star Wars. My boyfriend has already seen it twice, so I don't want to be totally behind him. Plus he needs to see Team America this weekend, and not be tempted to go see Star Wars for the 3rd time using me as his excuse. Team America is now on video. I have waited for this for what seems like ages. I cannot wait to see the extended sex-scene. Talk about raunchy filth. Exciting!!!

I have somehow gotten lucky this week and only had to spend about 2 hours with my breathe-down-your-neck boss. She makes life very difficult. However, yesterday before she left, it was like she couldn't give me enough compliments about my work. It made me happy.

I'm very tired right now, but it is a good tired. I've been doing fun things at night after my long work days and trying hard to maintain a great attitude about life. I have even been exercising fairly consistently. I worked out sunday, monday, and wednesday. I'll go on a walk tomorrow too. It is amazing what an attitude change will accomplish. Not even a change really, but just a moderate adjustment. I feel much happier than I felt writing my last blog entry.

I haven't gotten any more grades back. I'll assume the worst and take that as a blessing.

This weekend I will spend two days and two nights with Taz. This might be the first time we have spent this long together un-chaperoned. We visited my folks in Texas, but couldn't really express ourselves fully. I am excited. :) I also get to go to a memorial day party hosted by his mom. I'm a bit intimidated as I haven't really gotten to socialize with her in a social setting before.

I've been sending Taz letters every weekend; writing them while I had free time at work. They say that it takes conscious effort to keep a relationship going, so I'm doing my best to make a conscious effort and do those little things. Now, if he'd just write one or two back, I'd be on cloud nine. He's busy though. I'd not have written back during finals, so I don't expect him to write back during audition time.

Tomorrow I officially start my medical school applications. There is no more procrastinating. I gotta do it.

Oh, and I got plants to brighten up my newly cleaned apartment. They make me smile when my cat doesn't eat them. Oh, and speaking of my cat...the little devil threw up on my clothes that I had set out for work last night. I had to scramble to find new ones. Fortunately that incident didn't set a tone for the rest of the day.

Off to the movies....

Breakdowns...

From what I've heard, you are supposed to have mental breakdowns before the end of finals, not after they are done. However, I had one yesterday. I can't really describe it and I have little insight into its origin. Since then I've tried to take more control of my life, get more sleep, stick up for myself in front of others, and be completely honest with myself.

It's only been 24 hours since then, but I feel better already. This whole sleep deprived state sucks ass. I've caught up on my sleep (as far as I can tell) and I'm going to try my hardest to keep up with my sleep over the next week. I've also done some cleaning. My couches are finally sit-able and I treated the carpet for stains. I'm going to return library books tonight (I have over 20 books out at various libraries). I even managed to clean out my car and get an oil change. I've turned down the social invites that I didn't think I could fit into my schedule.

It's amazing how easily I seem to be able to lose control of my life. It used to be that a completely full schedule was conducive to being productive and kept me sane. Maybe it is that I'm getting older, but now it seems to have the opposite effect.

I drove to see Taz last night and he loved his gift. He was impressed that I had been so attentive in listening to his requests. Some of the things he had only mentioned once and some things he hadn't talked about in months. I love giving good gifts.

Tonight I have to go to work. I'll bring crocheting and lots of good books and I've gotten sleep, so hopefully it won't be painful.

Retardedness

Yesterday I wanted to update my blog. I kept trying to log in and the site kept telling me that my user account was unfound. I was freaking out. I thought that the website was down. It turns out that I was entering my blog name instead of my username. I didn't realize this until I had them e-mail me my username. Talk about a major brain fart.

I got my first grade back of the spring semester. I should be happy. There is nothing wrong with a B+, especially if I didn't do half of the reading. Grades in my family are a huge deal. Every time my dad calls me, he asks about them. It is like my entire worth is stacked into those few letters I get back at the end of the semester. At least that is how he makes me feel. I am tempted to call him up right now and tell him what my grade was. This urge is mostly out of spite considering that it is not even 8am there and no one in my house is awake at this time. I'll resist that urge.

Today is Taz's birthday. I got him a book, some carrot juice (his weird request for a birthday gift), and I made him a CD using my I-tunes pepsi caps that I won. He has the weirdest taste in music. He wanted Ini Kamoze, Prince, Stacy Q, Eminem, Vengaboys, Quad City DJ's, Outkast, Ace of Base, Earl Skruggs, and other random stuff. I could have sworn that I got him something else, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it is. I'm still angry that he has to work tonight, but C'est la Vie.

I had all this crap that I wanted to blog about yesterday but now I cannot remember it. I think I'm getting old.

verge of tears

Work and I are not getting along today. I was supposed to leave an hour and a half early to go to a presentation at my school - a very cool presentation. But I was with a client and felt bad about leaving, so I skipped the cool presentation. Then I found out that I have to go to a 40 hour training for that same job spread over 2 weekends, one of which happens to be my birthday weekend. Now this is bad for a few reasons. First, I have worked at this job for 5 months and they are just now sending me to training. That is completely ridiculous. I'm so pissed. They are not going to tell me a damned thing that I have not learned in the last 5 months. Come on folks. Second, I wanted to go to a festival on my birthday. It only lasts one weekend and it was going to be my birthday present to myself. Now I can't go because I have to fucking work. I'm so pissed. I think I might skip out on some of the training because I'm definitely going to the stupid festival. I've already missed out on enough stuff because of this job. I'm not going to ruin my birthday and I'm not going to miss this festival, especially since this might be the last opportunity I get to go because I might live across the country this time next year. Damn me for always feeling obligated to do shit. I need to grow a freakin' spine.

randomness

I'm working 50 hours per week among my various part time jobs and I think it may kill me. I've only worked two days so far, but this getting-up-early-to-be-to-work thing is rough. I don't think the real world is my cup of tea. I'll just stay in school forever. The other thing that sucks about this summer is that I'm not getting paid much for any of these jobs. One job I like because it makes me feel good about the world and proud of my work. I can make my corner of the world a tiny bit brighter and that makes me smile. The other job I can just sit on my butt, work on my med school applications, and surf the net. I really shouldn't give up that job. Who gets paid to do their med/grad school applications. Lets be real. So even though I'm not being paid squat, I see no reason to quit either of my jobs unless they start to drive me crazy.

On Monday, Blondie made me go on a 4.8 mile walk. We are not new to these walks, however, we hadn't taken one in over a week because of final papers and such. Around mile 1.5 my shins were in such agony that I actually started crying. It was probably out of frustration more than pain, but jeez, they hurt. We went again yesterday and although the shins still hurt, they hurt 100 times less. We are going again tomorrow and I'm hoping that they'll hurt even less then.

I have made an insane exercise plan for this summer. Between work, exercise, sleep, and driving to see Taz once a week, I may have 4 free hours a week (slight exaggeration). Blondie and my 4.8 mile walk takes us just under an hour and a half and we have vowed to do it 6 times per week, taking Wednesdays off. Why Wednesdays? Because we are taking a 2 hr yoga class on Wednesday evenings. Add that yoga class and my 6 walks to the additional yoga/ballet class on Monday nights, and you have a certifiedly insane workout program.

Blondie and I are like an old married couple. At least we bicker like one. It's mildly amusing. Oh, and I'm pissed at Taz. He promised me we could go out on his birthday and I've been planning it for months but then he conveniently (or negligently) forgot that he had a symphony concert that weekend. Not a gig, which might just be a couple hr rehearsal and then a short concert, but a symphony concert with a week's worth of rehearsals and then a concert. How do you forget about a week's worth of obligations until the beginning of that week? He is too spastic and not responsible enough with his commitments for my liking. And now his birthday celebration is ruined. We can only do about 1/3 of the things I had planned and I don't even get to see him until 11:30pm.

Okay, I'll quit my whining. The library has proved more than fabulous. I rented season 1 of CSI Miami and an opera on DVD. I also checked out a couple trashy novels but haven't had time to open them yet. I'll quit rambling now and do some compulsive list making or just sit and read.

Chuck-e-cheese!

I've had an incredibly busy, but fun last couple of days. I worked tons and went out with friends. I was supposed to go see Taz tonight but he called and said he didn't have enough time to spend with me so he asked for a rain-check.

I just called Blondie and she instructed me to go to chuck-e-cheese. Apparently there are going to be 15 people there tonight all hanging out with a 5 yr old. One 5 yr old and 14 adults, most in law school. This should be interesting.

ABW left today *sniff*. I haven't ever had to deal with law school without her, so this summer might be a bit weird. She's off doing some fancy job in some fancy city. I should be happy for her, but I must admit that I haven't gotten over the fact she's left us yet.

Interestingly, there is little news to report when school is not in session. Oh, but my house is finally getting clean. Yay!

C'est finito!

I'm very happy to be done. I turned in my paper, which was a bit short, but was happy that it was on time and quasi-decent. Since then I've done nothing but enjoy myself. Well, I did go to work for 4 hours this morning, but even that had its good points.

So at the bar last night, I dressed totally hoochie and loved it. Girls and boys were staring at my rack, and probably because I didn't feel self conscious about it, the guys were all over me. I got to dance. :) Blondie even had to pretend to be my lesbian lover to rescue me. It's amazing what a little self confidence and cleavage will do.

I wouldn't have gone to work this morning unless ABW gave me a wake-up call. Sad, but true. This morning at work I got to hang out in the judge's chambers. We had to expedite a form and I was the runner, but that meant I got to see where the judge hangs out. It's pretty pimped out.

This afternoon I took a 6 hour nap. It was glorious. I didn't answer my phone and I slept in the sun. I love sleeping in the sun. Then I drove to see Taz and we had fun. I told him about the bar and he got mad at me. Not for dancing or flirting with other guys, but for teasing them. He said that it is so unfair when girls tease guys. Just when he thinks she likes him, she will say she's got a boyfriend or take off. Apparently this has happened to him because he was totally protective of these guys. Our relationship is very weird.

I got to talk to a friend from home today and wish her a happy birthday. We made plans to both work next summer at the study institute in Italy where we met in 2003. I absolutely cannot imagine getting paid to spend the summer in italy. I also cannot imagine hanging out there with one of my best friends. Wouldn't that be the best after-the-bar-before-grad/med-school thing ever? Yay!

Well I should be off to bed. I have to be at work in 3 hours.

Bullshit breeds bullshit

Sometimes the greatest things in life turn out to be the worst things, and vice versa.

I checked out a website for hurt necks and apparently I do all of the evil things I could with respect to my neck. I hold my phone between my ear and shoulder, I look down to stare at my laptop computer screen for hours instead of looking at it level (usually my lap isn't level with my eyes - it's biology), and finally I sleep on my stomach. Needless to say, these habits die hard and my neck may not get better for a long time.

My paper is a bit more complete than it was last time I posted, but not nearly as complete as I'd have hoped. However, it will be finished by 5pm today as that is when its due. Funny how that works; it's not done till its due. That should be my motto. In my case, though, it's not even remotely close to being done till its due. I guess that's a more accurate motto.

I pray that nothing insane happens between now and 5pm. I also hope that tonight's "I'm finally done with this bullshit" celebration is tame. I'm supposed to go see a movie with ABW and then hit the bars with Blondie. Nothing good ever happens when we hit the bars. I told her that under no circumstances were we to go to the bar with the people we went with last time. I said that I'd be the DD before I'd accompany them. Her response was to hope that wouldn't ruin my night. My response: "Being sober has never ruined anyone's night." I'm going to stick to that.

So far I don't really understand what I've written for my paper. It is a philosophy paper and therefore is inherently bullshit. In fact, it's a paper filled with bullshit about other bullshit. I am quoting bullshit and coming up with original bullshit. I just hope my professor thinks it is as steamy as I think it is and gives me an A for my steamy bullshit. Hope breeds miracles - and bullshit.

How I compare thee...

I'm one of those people who constantly compares myself to others. It's a character flaw. Anyways, I was checking out some other blogs and realizing that law students like to talk about legal things. One guy was talking about the Defense of Marriage Act, another professional responsibility and confidentiality. All I seem to do is bitch about my finals and all the work I have to do. I can honestly say that I am not a political person. Yes I hate G-dub, but not really enough to blog about him. Well...getting back to the typical blog topics for me:

I took a final tonight. It was for a 2 credit class and was worth 1/3 of our grade. This final wasn't even worth a full credit yet I spent more time taking it than I did taking my torts final (4-credits). I think my professor is either is a bit self absorbed about the subject matter or he likes to grade essay exams.

My neck still aches. I almost made noises during my final when I'd forget to restrict neck movement and a sharp pain would shoot down my back. Then I'd have to shut my eyes and clench my jaw till the pain was gone. The girl sitting next to me had a bottle of painkillers next to her and I almost asked her for it halfway through the exam. Talk about desperation.

I was watching TV tonight and opening random word files on my computer. I came across an earlier rough draft of this paper I am writing and was able to use most of it in the new rough draft. It added almost an entire page to my paper. :) Yee-haw!

Back to it - tomorrow at this time, I'll be all done! YAY!

Wanting to cry...

I know it's my own doing. I should have had this paper done weeks ago, but I just couldn't do it. And now, once again, I have to write the whole thing in about 36 hours. I'm a retard. In other, more depressing news, I have somehow strained my neck and now am in excruciating pain when ever I turn it outside of a 90-degree turn radius or lift my arm. This is not good.

I'm trying to make cookies to make me feel better, but I'm not sure that is going to work. I also hope that the aspirin I took will kick in sometime before my exam starts at 6pm tonight. Holy crap. Do you know how hard it is to massage your own shoulders?

Okay, I'm going to stop my bitching and get back to my paper. :(

Procrasinating Purposefully

As a way to procrastinate and not feel bad about it, I have started to clean my house. I have 3 huge bags of trash by the door, my sink is shiny and empty, I made some lemonade for tomorrow and finally mailed my checks to the bank. Lets just say that I have 4 checks from work in that envelope and since I only get paid once every 2 weeks, that means I have not deposited checks in over 2 months. Sad! I now have one couch completely free of stuff and you can see about half of my coffee table. Baby steps.

I suppose that I should get back to that paper. Grrrrrrrr.

Library on a Friday Night - Blech!

I am no farther along on this paper than I was at the beginning of the semester, the day it was assigned. I'm going to be bold and say that this is not a good thing. I have had a pleasant few days. I managed a trip to see my boyfriend yesterday and even wore cute clothes to make him happy. It worked. It scares me how much I am in love with him.

My calf is convulsing uncontrollably. Blondie has made me walk 15 miles in the last 3 days and if and when I ever recover my physical strength, I'm going to beat her. Actually, it has been very good for me. I'm sleeping better at night and not feeling as tired during the day. Or maybe that is just because I'm under less stress. Hard to tell.

I am counting down the days till I am done with my work. I'll be done with the hard stuff on Wednesday and then just have a few evidence problems to turn in. I'll try to get those done friday. Then I will take the weekend off and clean my house and my car. They will not even be recognizable if I can help it. Today I'm going to buy bleach to use to clean the bathroom and the kitchen. Somehow I trust bleach more than other cleaning products to kill bacteria and other naughty creatures that should not exist in my abode. I wanted to open a window today to air out my apartment, but there is a beehive in between the window and the screen in my bedroom window (from inside to out there is the window, hive, and then screen). I'd love to get that fixed, but I don't want the maintenance guy anywhere near my house in the condition it is in. I at least need to pick up the underwear from the floor first. Finals do nothing good for me or the state of my home.

I start my med school applications Monday when I get home from work. Yay!

Bored

I am at work today, at the slow office. And by slow I mean that I have been here for over 3 hours and received 3 calls: 1) my boss checking up on me, 2) a personal call for a co-worker, and 3) an actual business call. I must remember to bring a book with me next time I work here. ABW suggested that I work on my paper and I did for about 30 minutes before I almost fell asleep on my desk. I think I might die of boredom trying to write this paper. It's not even a legal paper, it is a philosophy paper which, in my opinion, makes it about 1,000 times worse. I really thought I'd like philosophy when I signed up for the class, but I was unfortunately mistaken. Almost everyone I know is taking that class pass/fail. I'm hoping that means they'll do just enough work to pass and my mediocre paper will be grade-boosted by the curve. We'll see.

I am going to the public library today to get a library card. I am totally pumped. I checked out the catalog and it looks like they have a pretty good selection of books, audio books, dvds, and cds. I cannot wait until I am done with finals and I can just read book after book after book and for the most part get paid for it. :)

My summer to-do list is growing exponentially. I have to do med school applications, grad school applications, take the MPRE, have some fun, and in between all of that, work about 50 hours per week between 2 jobs. Heaven help me. And this was supposed to be my slacker summer since I'm not taking any classes. Yeah right! Oh, and I have to watch about a million TV shows on DVD starting with South Park. HOLY CRAP! I just looked and the library has South Park Season 5 on DVD. That's just beyond amazing!!!!!

My house is the biggest sh*t-hole right now. I haven't cleaned it in about a month. I have 2 couches. One is completely filled with stuff. I cleaned out my backpack before I took a trip about a month ago and all the trash I took out of the backpack is still on that couch. The other couch is filled with school papers and books because it is where I do my homework (no desk). Of the 6-8 potential seats in my living room, there is only enough room for my butt. I guess I should kinda get on that. Maybe I'll rent an audio book from the library and play it while I clean. I'm a genius!

Escape

I left town tonight for a few hours and I just got back. I was supposed to stay in the library and study and then get to bed early since I have to be at work at 8am but I must say that the escape was very nice and totally worth being tired tomorrow for. I miss driving.

Everyone and everything has been pissing me off lately. I'm even lashing out at my best friends. The stress of finals is really getting to me. Yesterday I started crying and couldn't stop. I was crying of relief for getting through my 48 hours of hell. I know it's a weird reaction, but I can't help it. It is how my body physically expresses relief after surviving insane amounts of stress.

I have to remind myself that I do this to myself. I don't blame anyone else, but I also don't ever learn from the past. Yikes!

Well I have to be up for work in 4 hours so maybe I can get some shut-eye.

I think my body is on standby

That's the only way I can describe it. Because I have done nothing but sit in assorted chairs, study, outline, take tests, and write papers for the last week, that is all my body knows how to do. I walked around the mall today and even that hurt. I can't do anything active, and now I've discovered that I can't sleep either. All I can do is run the systems that are up and I can't seem to shut those down or jumpstart any of the other systems. It is very weird.

My final this morning was less painful than I thought it would be. I managed to identify the issue in the essay but I didn't get the right answer. That was better than some people did, but worse than others. I have decided that multiple choice tests suck. I much prefer essay questions, but only ones that are written well (this one was not). Perhaps it's a good sign that I could identify that it was a poorly written question.

I'm going to try to go to sleep again. Must take body off standby.

And the magic number is...........

15

That is the number of credits I have to finish to graduate law school. Next week I'll be finishing 4 more credits and then I'll have only 11. Yay!

Now it is time to go shopping with ABW and blondie. More about the wretchedness that was today is to come.

Why I hate the automatic checkout lanes...

I was checking out at Wal-Mart today and had a toy with me. The cashier, a tough looking guy, gave me an odd look. I giggled and he said, "I don't judge" but shook his head disapprovingly. I said, "that's not what your look told me" and he responded, "You are who you are."

"You are who you are." That is just about the wisest thing I've heard in a long time.

The 48 hours from hell...

In the next 36 hours, I have to turn in a take-home exam, a 30 page paper, and take a 3 hour final. I am only about 1/2 done with the paper, haven't started the take-home exam, and do not feel at all prepared for the final. This isn't going to be pretty.

My family law final was fun. I love taking exams. You go in there knowing what you know and this is your opportunity to shine. The more creative you are, the better. I feel like it's a puzzle. It will be framed and hung up, one way or the other, and it is in your control how much of that puzzle will be completed when it's hung up. I imagine that I at least got the general idea across for my family law final, but the next one may be a rather abstract work of art.

The guy at the next table has 3 empty red bull cans lined up on his desk. If I remember correctly, there is a warning label on the can suggesting limiting intake to 2 in 24 hours. Eeeeek! I love red bull. In fact I took one to my family law final and will take another to my next final, but three in one day????